Welcome to the future


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Abhimanyu Khadwal

Student at DAV College 10.

This is important. You need to read this being a present citizen of India.Its pretty sure you can’t be mean to people anymore. It’s going to be banned. Forget about avoiding someone you dislike. It’s going to be banned soon. You’ll have to be overly kind to people. You cannot go against the will of anyone else. That’ll be punishable. Girls, forget fashionable clothes. Cover your bodies completely and let no skin show. No more bad thoughts either. They will be monitored through mental implants in your brains. Pray everyday once or you’ll be fined. All vices will be washed away. So cigarette and alcohol consumers are advised to join rehab soon. Don’t even start about the food. The country will be strictly vegetarian in very little time. Any music and movies that reference anything ‘fun’ will no longer exist. Lovers better break up because love marriages are going to be illegal and arranged marriages made compulsory. Welcome to the future of India. We hope you have a pleasant experience.

Doesn’t sound all that pleasant does it? Better get used to it. Because it has already started. A few days back the government banned over 857 porn websites. Why? Because they can. Well actually they can’t but it’s India so you don’t need to know the details. Yes, we hear that you’re more than 18 years old and can watch whatever you want online but we don’t think you or any other individual should. Well, little was done for child pornography but it doesn’t matter. So now as a free but sexually-frustrated citizen of the country go and partake in more constructive activities. Like violence. Or how about rape? Go on, we won’t stop you. Actually you’ll be given a stricter sentence for online piracy than rape. Isn’t that convenient? Sure it is.

But make sure the public isn’t affected in anyway. Or we’ll tell your parents. The Mumbai police recently arrested 40 couples from hotel rooms for public indecency. Before you ask, yes hotel rooms count as public places. Think about that before you dirty your room in a hotel or use the toilet or even change clothes. In the future we hope to have cameras installed in hotel rooms to check the people’s dangerous privacy and a written application to the police be introduced for intimate moments in hotel rooms beforehand. The individuals caught were not only fined Rupees 1200/- but also their parents were called. Because any adult caught in an embarrassing position isn’t an adult at all needs to be embarrassed further. You all know that. Don’t act like you don’t.

And about the public places outside? They’ll be the same for now. Except that that you won’t be able to wear whatver you won’t. You definitely can’t be naked but wearing the clothes you want will be restricted. That’s still in progress. Goa public works department minister Sudin Dhavalikar insists that bikini be banned in public in the state. Goa, where even the most conservatives let their hair down. Goa, where tourists from all over the world come for the beaches. Yes even they won’t be allowed to wear what they want to. We can say goodbye to those foreign devils. They ruin our society with their godforsaken clothes. Dhavalikar also demands a ban on mini-skirts and pubs. Moral policing so fine that even ISIS can learn a thing or two. But these things are ofcourse for the time being. In the future we hope for even more stricter laws like covering ones eyeballs and even nails for minimum exposure. Exposure is bad. Exposure of any kind. Exposure in terms of what can be accessed, what can be seen as in skin or exposure of any illdoings by ministers. They should be controlled. And in the future it will.

Be prepared for the future. It will not be pleasant but just like a medicine does it’ll help us with our social problems. Problems even we aren’t sure what they are or how they work. But we will, in the future. The future we are trying to kill today. We hope you have the best of time.


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