Panjab University Bans PDA on Campus: Sparks Student Outrage

The cold, harsh Tuesday morning brought with itself an equally cold piece of news. In a move that has caused outrage among students all over the tri-city, PU issued a notice of banning PDA (public display of affection for all the noobs) on campus.
The notice was first noticed by the students on Monday evening, who walked past it thinking it was a prank and hence disregarded it. It was obnoxiously huge, hard to miss, and yet what it said was apparently so incredulous that nobody could believe it. It was only when confirmed by the office, that all hell broke loose.
Students began staying away from each other, living in the perpetual fear that the moral police would jump out of the bushes and catch them doing something unsolicited. Rumours are that there are spies employed in the crowd who will keep an eye on the activities undertaken by the students and report them. Students seemed afraid to even stand close to each other lest they are called out. 
The news had already made waves on campus and succeeded in rattling the students. The notices were torn down within hours, by the angered crowd. A letter was drafted, demanding an explanation and an immediate withdrawal of the rules. The authorities, however, remained unavailable for comment. 
The rules have received flak from students all over, who complained that this was a violation of their personal freedom. Students are also worried they’ll no longer have their friend’s shoulder to cry on- quite literally so- when they screw up their exams.
Some key points mentioned in the circular were-
•    Students are required to maintain a distance of at least 3 feet between each other while they speak.
•    To ensure a good conduct, students are not allowed to hug/ hold hands
•    Students are asked to avoid physical contact, until absolutely necessary. 
•    No kissing/ physical intimacy of any kind is allowed. 
•    If any student is found violating the rules, he/she will be fined according to his/her misdeeds and severe action would be taken against him/her.
If the points above are to be taken at their word, no sort of physical contact whatsoever (excepting a high five perhaps, since that wasn’t explicitly stated) is permitted- you might not be able to hug your best friend good morning, when you go to college tomorrow.
“What next? Will we be asked to avoid LOOKING at each other too now? How far back does their mentality go?” questions an enraged student.
The fine also has most students scratching their heads. If anything that constitutes physical contact is fineable, would that mean students would be fined even if they shook hands with other students, or if they held a handshake too long perhaps? Some are also found complaining that this is yet another way the university is minting money from the student populace. 
This comes amid exams, and excessive fines- needless to say, the students are seething.The decision has sparked off many protests. Angry Twitter rants are the least of the University’s problems seeing that it already faces the students’ ire over various issues like fee hikes, examination errors, and the general perpetual discontentment with the University.
The students have planned to launch a “ChipkoMovement”- only instead of the trees, they’ll be hugging each other. The hashtag, #WeWillHug has been trending and promoted. 
“This is an absolutely ridiculous thing to even suggest. What century are we living in and what do the authorities hope to achieve from this? We won’t take this lying down,” said A Girl Has No Name, student of the University. 
The move has raised serious questions about the mentality that the university has been harboring, and the moral policing that is on the rise these days.
Disclaimer- Before you, all go out with your pitchforks and knives, take a moment to calm down and process the fact that this entire article is the result of the author’s bored, weird (and procrastinating, because of exams) imagination. Bogus Bulletin is our Thursday segment of light heated fake news (Donald Trump, much?). Worry not- your high fives and hugs are safe. 

About the Author:

Vrinda Gupta (SD College 32)

As you reap, so shall you sow-there’s no fairer judge in the universe than karma.

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