December Horoscope

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Sagittarius

It’s Sagittarius season! *drumroll* Not that anything is going to change for the better ( or worse ) But yay ?! I mean it could?!

Emoji for the week : ?

Capricorn 

Beware of  Geminis . The stars say they are plotting against you . Your intuition about them has been right .Little cunts!

Emoji for the week:?

Aquarius

Buy that Goddamn thing you saw last week and thought was too expensive. It’s not. Nothing is. Buy everything. Shop. Spend all the money .You have just one life.

Emoji for the week: ??

Pisces

Every dog has his day. So don’t worry Pisces you will have your day too. Probably in another 7689 days. But you will. And what matters the most. Be patient.

Emoji for the week: ?

Aries

Avoid stalking your present, your ex, your presents ex or your exs present on social media. The stars say there is a very high chance that you accidentally like a picture from  their 2010 vacation . Beware !

Emoji for the week: ?

Taurus

So much to eat and so little time! Life is very short and if you limit yourself to one lunch and one dinner a day how will you ever eat all the different varieties of food and dishes there are to be eaten? So we suggest you have 2 lunches and dinners as often as you can so that you are able to cover as many dishes as you can.

Emoji for the week: ?

Gemini

Your friends are planning something BIG . Without you. Keep an eye on those bastards and Catch them red handed. You can’t let anyone out smart you, can you Gemini ?

Emoji for the week: ?

Cancer

There’s something important that I had to tell you but I think you will over react as usual. So I am putting it off till next time. Why must your emotions always complicate things ?

Emoji for the week: ?

Leo 

These weeks will be as successful for you as LEOnardo Di Caprio’s Oscar career. So don’t even bother trying. Not worth the time and effort.

Virgo

Don’t be the friend that still laughs at a joke 20 mins later.Don’t . It’s not that funny .

Emoji for the week: ?

Libra

You need more caffeine in your life. Beacaue friends and boyfriends/girlfriends may come and go but caffeine will never abandon you.

Emoji for the week: ☕

Scorpio 

There’s a guy who is crushing on you big time! He watches you all the time. Even when you sleep. I am not sure if he’s alive. But he really really like you.

Emoji for the week :?

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